Arranged Job or Marriage Interview??

CV shortlist, GD, PI, consultancy firms....Rings a bell? Job searching - right? Well that and arranged marriages.

(Disclaimer : The following content is valid only for arranged marriages (this is to not disarrange the ongoing bliss in my own marriage). We will come to love marriages in a later post.)

We were having coffee with a friend who is well-established with a job in a top Investment Bank, and he was having the jitters about the whole "process" for his marriage, which was about to start. To comfort him, I replied saying that this was not too different from applying to a job. Excerpts of our conversation:

He : Are you crazy? How can you equate a job application to finding a prospective bride?

Me : What do you do for finding a job? Make a CV and apply across the world. Once you get shortlists, you get through the GDs, PIs and that is it.

Same thing here machha. It all starts off with a good CV. You need to put in all the good points, faff them up a bit - remove all negative points. Utilizing your Photo(shopping) should do you good - as at this nascent  stage the purpose is to facilitate a personal meeting.

He : But what about the kundli matching. Surely there is no equivalent in a job searching process?

Me : That is the psychometric test that you go through in a job. Without clearing this, you have no scope of getting a shortlist.

He : OK, I understood the shortlist. What about the GD?

Me : The group discussion stage. It may or may not exist. Once your CV has been shortlisted, you are invited to a mutually convenient place. This will typically be a rancorous group - having all types of people. There may be a coquette - trying to distract you, there is usually a patriarch figure - he will generally lead the way the GD is supposed to go, there will be a facilitator - he will try to bring you out of a shell - to evoke reactions from you. There is also this one guy - you know how you say - " Let's facilitate a structure on how we conduct this GD" and a guy replies " Women Empowerment. RTI" and still gets adulation because he has cute dimples. Beware of him in case he has supporters. Anything you say against him will be held against you in the final analysis.

He : Umm...OK.....What about the moderator?

Me : Just like in a GD for a job interview. Typically someone senior. He/ She will not talk much - will generally observe you and your body language - but will ultimately decide whether you go through to the next round. Just like a moderator in a group discussion for a job, this person will not be talking much here. How to identify this person? You have to observe the eyes. The person who is staring at you with the intensity of a hawk is your moderator.

He : So...What's the PI like?

Me : Well, this can be a one-round or two-round affair in most cases. There is one part which is about the technicalities - how much you earn, what job you do, which city etc. etc. this round is mostly fact-based which, mind you , is verifiable.

The second round - is about correct fitment. This round usually involves the prospective boss for a job interview. In your case, it will typically involve your prospective spouse.

These rounds may be in a single phase, or multiple phases just like in a job interview.

He : But in a job there are reference checks - how does this equate to the marriage?

Me: You have neighbors, you have college friends who are relatives of this new proposal. I know of a friend who got a call asking about this senior. He replied, ‘ Well, he is a nice guy. I mean he smokes and drinks and dopes once in a while, but generally he is nice’. Suffice to say, that was the end of the proposal!

The biggest reference check is Facebook – so before this process starts, clean up your account. The theme for group dance you see when you walk in should be on the lines of “Saajanji ghar aaye” rather than “No ullu Banaoing”

He : OK, I’m kind of getting it. There are still some things you cannot compare. What about the priest who introduces one family to another?

Me : Consultancy firms? Haven’t you got a call from them lately? Of late, however, marriage portals and job portals are making it a competitive career option.

He : What about the probation period?

Me : Engagement. Just like probation period. Both sides have taken a step forward, but termination can be done without too much of paper-work. Also, this period, generally between a month to a year, can help both sides gain perspective on each other.

He : You can change from one job to another – generally not so in marriage..

Me : You need a relieving letter to change companies. The relieving letter in marriage is called the divorce paper.

But, on the other hand, just like you get recognition on completing certain years in job, where you are shown as a shining example in the company – marriage also rewards you with Silver, Gold and many other anniversaries. You are then shown as a shining example to society.

Me (looking at my wife) :  Listen everything else is OK, but just like you need to have a job which you love passionately to make it long lasting – you require to love your would be. So, when you are giving your interviews – remember that this comes over all other things – the same mistake that we make while looking at a job.

Me (Silently whispering in his ear) : And after marriage , remember just two things – If you are at fault – say sorry to your wife. If your wife is at fault, say sorry to your wife.